Do you ever feel like you are holding yourself back from something great and you want to take a risk, but you are also kind of scared you are going to fail?? That’s me. All my life i felt like i wasn’t good enough for anything. I thought i wasn’t pretty enough, needed to lose weight, to be smarter, to be more than i was. I used to think that no matter how hard i try, how much i work, in the end it would still not be enough. You know how people say they have this voice inside their head telling them they can do it. Well, the voice in my head used to say i couldn’t. Other people like my family and my friends always believed in me (okay not all of them, but a good amount of them did), but i didn’t believe in myself. It wasn’t until almost a year ago that i achieved one of my biggest accomplishments and i realized something. I am good enough and i can do it. The moment i found out the result of my accomplishment my heart literally skipped a beat.*i’m getting chills just remembering that*. I haven’t felt more proud of myself, because i worked my ass off for that and it paid off. The switch happened that exact moment. I used to care so much what other people think of me and i was trying to make everyone happy, but in the end i wasn’t happy. It was game over. I told myself “I’m not doing this anymore. People will always have something to say, whether you do something good, bad, small, big.” I was so burnt out and i couldn’t stand another moment being scared to do something and be judged.
To be honest, i am scared of things. Scared of dying one day and not be proud of the person i am. I know there will be some people from my old school reading this article and be like “Omg, she’s always been so cringe and now she is writing in english. Like who does she think is going to read that??”. Well, the truth is i don’t really care if you think i’m cringe, weird, ugly, fat or anything anymore. At least I’m not scared to follow the path I know i deserve and go after the life i dream. I don’t really know what the next step is. Maybe starting a Youtube channel because i always wanted that, post more tiktoks with me talking, being more active on instagram.
Point being, if you think you are not enough or you can’t do something, you can’t. I believe in you, but the most important thing is that you believe in yourself. Maybe this whole thing of chasing your dreams won’t workout the way you thought it would or you’ll find a new dream in the future. But if i were you, i would rather try and fail than not do it because i’m scared and always have the thought “what if…”.